Anyway, the point is, if you're going to survive inside a head like mine, you have to let a few things go. I'm already so consumed by caring about the things I DO care about (e.g. fridge cleanliness) that I can't afford to waste any energy caring about things I don't care about (e.g. night cream).
So, I'm sharing a list of things I feel like I 'should' care about, that I actually don't care about. Consider this your permission to let go of the things you don't care about, too! Make a list and share it in the comments. I'd love to know what you don't care about.
A list of things I don't care about:
1. Keeping my car clean.
I decided to stop caring about keeping my car clean right around the time I moved to an apartment where I had to park the car so far from the building that there was no way a vacuum was ever going to reach the inside of my car again, even with the world's longest extension lead. It just became too hard to clean the car, and my quality of life changed exactly zero, so I decided I was done with the part of my life where I cared about it. Yes, I occasionally see the dust caked on my dashboard and spend about one second fantasising about obliterating it with a wet wipe, then I go back to focusing on whichever hilarious podcast I'm currently streaming on my phone while trying not to crash into other cars. Over the years I've noticed that mothers of small children invariably apologise for the state of their cars as soon as you get in. I always tell them that I decided to stop keeping my car clean years ago and then they get this look on their face like they've just realised that they're not a totally inadequate human. (Uhh, you made some other people and now you continue to keep them alive, which seems pretty adequate to me, but if you need me to affirm you about the state of your car, whatever.) So basically my filthy car is raising the morale of mothers everywhere. Go me.
2. Wearing makeup.
The only thing I care less about than putting makeup on is taking makeup off, so it's best I just avoid the whole rigmarole. Yes, as I'm approaching thirty I'm starting to notice that I look less good than the women around me who have makeup on, but who cares? This is how my face looks, and while you were putting makeup on I was probably sleeping. And before you say "but I see you wearing makeup all the time!" yes, I do like wearing obvious things like bright red lipstick some days but I'm still carrying around the blusher I wore for choir eisteddfods in the early 90s and I haven't purchased a new bottle of foundation since my wedding. That's my skin you're looking at.
3. Answering my phone.
Let's consider this part an official apology to all the members of my immediate family who constantly try to reach me on the phone, which I never answer. I am truly sorry for the inconvenience. Look, I know it could be an emergency, but luckily Mick always ALWAYS answers his phone so if there was really an emergency you could reach me that way and also, people were having emergencies for a long time before everybody had their own personal communication device. Usually my phone is on silent because I think it's politer in most social situations not to have your phone ringing (and I'm usually in a social situation) or I have left it in another room because I'm addicted to social media and it's better if I just can't touch it. I've witnessed other people panicking and falling over themselves to answer phone calls when they are in the middle of doing something else, because it is probably an Important Business Call. But I mostly consider my own business the most important, like I'm not going to answer the phone if I'm in the bath or driving or eating a meal or writing copy or working out at the gym or sleeping or having an in-person conversation with somebody. Basically the only time I'm going to answer my phone is if I'm just sitting still not really doing anything, which is hardly ever. Even when I do get Important Business Calls (which I totally do) I only take them when it's convenient, because I respect my own time. I usually text the person right away to let them know I'm not available right now and say what time I'll be able to call them back. I always return calls as promptly as I can, but honestly, most things aren't worth putting my day on hold for. It won't kill you all to wait.
P.S. Mum, I answer your calls all the time when I'm doing something. You are the only exception to this rule, so given that I still only answer about one in ten of your phone calls you can only imagine how slack I am with everybody else.
4. Talking to telemarketers or street-corner charity collectors.
If you are a telemarketer or a person who knocks on my door to sell something or tries to stop me in the mall to get me to give money to charity, I love you. I know your job is really difficult and I have no personal issue with you, in fact I quite like you, but I don't like interrupting my day for you (see above) and I'm not going to break my stride. The thing is that you're a random stranger and so unless you've just caught on fire or something, you're on the list of things I don't care about. I don't want to be hurtful so I'll try to say something lovely to you and say it with a smile on my face. If we're on the phone and you told me your name, I'll use it, because I was a telemarketer for three and a half weeks and I don't want you to feel dehumanised like I did, and if you're in the street I'll probably pat you kindly on the arm as I pass, but I'm not slowing down. In the sweetest way possible I'll say something that means "no, we're not going to have this interaction" because you know what? I get to decide what social interactions I have, on my terms, and I don't have to be in this one.
5. The mould in the shower grout.
Look, I've tried to care about this, I really have. If you come to my house and use my shower I'll even act apologetic, like I do care about it. I do not. The mould that grows in the shower grout is a force too strong for humans to conquer. Let's just admit our collective defeat.
6. Maintaining a presence on social media.
As I said above, I'm pretty much addicted to social media, in a way that means I can hang out and post on instagram for a few days or weeks in a row and be fine about it but pretty soon I'll be staring at it several times an hour, every hour, for the whole time I'm awake, and then I need to go away from it for a month or so and look at actual human faces around me. So my presence on social media is pretty inconsistent, for a blogger, but I honestly can't care about it. Like, who gives the smallest frick how many followers I have or how many people saw that photo of me at the beach? THIS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE TO ANYBODY'S LIFE.
7. Workout gear.
I might be the only woman in the world who doesn't feel emotional longings when she walks past a Lorna Jane store. I've switched off that deep-seated biological response, and saved myself a lot of money in the process, because I've accepted these things: A) pragmatically, I don't need more than 2 sets of workout clothes (one to wear, one to wash); B) The quality of my workout clothes has no causal relationship to the quality of my workout; and C) there's absolutely no reason for me to look like anything except a sack of crap when I'm working out at the gym. That's my time, okay? As far as I know, nobody else I know is a member of the same gym as me (I mean statistically you must be, because it's the biggest gym chain in the state, but I never see you there) and so what if you spy me in my thrift shop leopard print leggings and that droopy singlet I got for free from that girl at that garage sale who stole it from a male go-go dancer she slept with in Thailand? (Yes.) You should be impressed by the mere fact that I'm here, moving my body. Also, don't talk to me because like I said, this is my time.
Guys, I'd love to hear - what do you not care about? What do you feel like you should care about, or pretend to care about, but you really honestly don't care about?